You know what I mean? – The thing about the center of gravity

A humorist recently remarked that the next model he planned to post shouldn’t have a center of gravity. Yet the topic of center of gravity is a thoroughly important—indeed, very serious—matter that we try to explain even to beginners. Our pros take it a step further by purchasing expensive electronic center-of-gravity scales and even recommend that everyone “fly” their model to determine its center of gravity. Well, as we recently learned from the media, airlines haven’t quite reached that point yet. Swiss, for example, apparently plans to upgrade first class on a certain European aircraft model: eight seats are to be replaced by three cabins. Swiss senses a new market in the luxury class. However, the marketing departments didn’t anticipate that these new features would be heavier than the previous ones and would thus dangerously shift the aircraft’s center of gravity (see the handbook for beginner model aircraft pilots). Fortunately, nothing is too “daunting” for an engineer—not even metal plates intended to be installed in the tail of the aircraft. These newly balanced aircraft will be just as safe as before, though fuel consumption will increase! I therefore cannot take Swiss’s statements on the environment—such as “Swiss is aware of its responsibility toward the environment and the next generation,” etc.—any more seriously than, say, street protesters who regularly fly to Valencia, London, or Miami. ■

With collegial regards
, Emil Giezendanner